It still haunts me.

I never thought I would ever be able to write about this.
But putting into words helps heal everything so here I go..

April 8th, 2011.

Horrific Car Accident.
Drunk and drugged driver ran a red light and ploughed into a car of 4 teenagers.
Two died at the scene, one later in hospital, and one survived (I don’t know how).

I lost my Cousin (aged 17 at the time) around 3 years ago. I got the painfully heart aching phone call from her best friend in the morning telling me there had been an accident, and that I needed to phone my Uncle. Me being the foolish 17 year old I was, just woken up beside the man whom I loved didn’t think anything of it and replied with ‘Shut up and just tell me’ thinking that it can’t be anything too serious. His voice deepened, I heard it shaking. He continued…

‘There has been an accident’
I replied ‘And??’
‘Your cousin was in it’
I again replied ‘And??’
‘She was killed’

My heart sunk, I remember it so clearly. I said ‘I have to go’ and I hung up, grabbed my boyfriend, helm him tighter than ever before and went blank, I had no idea what had happened I couldn’t even shed a tear.

I messaged my Brother 7 words (I heard Brittany died, is this true?) he responded with ‘Yes’ and I sobbed. I drove straight to my Brother’s house and we all just sat there, in absolute shock, trying to come to terms with losing our cousin at such a young age.

The car my cousin and three friends were travelling in.


From then on, I was an absolute mess. People were worried about me because I just couldn’t cope. I would cry, I would get angry, and I’d cry some more – this went on for about three years.

My boyfriend at the time, was a rock. I told him I couldn’t be with him because I couldn’t handle the loss and I didn’t want it to affect my relationship, but he wouldn’t take that. He constantly messaged checking on me, spent his nights holding me and telling me he’s there and that it will be ok. He is who kept me here, and even though we aren’t together anymore, I will be forever grateful those moments and support.

I could go on forever about this time in my life, but what I am trying to get at is to never leave a loved one with a negative word, leave every conversation with positivity, never forget to tell the people you love, just how much they mean to you, because within a split second, they could be gone. And a big one, never push people away when you are hurting or in a significant amount of pain, because they are the people who will pull you back up and ground your feet – and once they do that, you’ll wish you never tried to walk away in the beginning.

Brittany and I ♥


Until next time… T-  Xx


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