He saved me.

There comes a stage in your life where no matter how you felt about a person or what you went through, you have to stop and say a simple ‘thank you’.

My ex boyfriend and I broke up over almost three years ago now, it wasn’t one of those awful, nasty breakups but it had its rough edges. He was the best thing to happen to me at that point in my life, he treated me with respect, love and cared for me beyond measure. I think I treated him much the same, he might think different but I would like to hope that at times he thought our relationship was as good as I saw it was.

We were having a few struggles when I encountered the most horrific thing I’ve ever been through (which I’ve written about before). My cousin was suddenly killed in a car accident. At the time I found out, I was at my boyfriend’s house, I couldn’t even really tell you what happened. I remember him just hugging me, and holding me close and trying to help me through my pain…but in my sadness and shock, I just said I had to go and I left for my Brother’s house to be with my Family.

I won’t go into depth with what happened the days, weeks, months that followed but all I can say is that if you go through such a tragic event like I did, you really need to reach out and talk to somebody. I told my Boyfriend I needed a break because I couldn’t deal with what happened, and at the time I thought that was the best thing I could do and the right thing because I didn’t want him having to put up with what state I was in.  I don’t regret making that decision, because I’m a big believer in ‘everything happens for a reason’ but if I could do it over again, I wouldn’t tell him that, in fact I would do the exact opposite to everything I did.

I would stay close, I would talk to him about my feelings and tell him I’m not coping, I’d go around when he wanted me to and I would hold him longer than I ever had. In fact, I’d take back every drink I sipped on that would ‘numb’ the pain for me but then send me spiraling into fits off distress, tears and anger that I could never handle. I would take back every one of those drinks and trade it for a night on the couch with my partner telling him I wasn’t OK and trying to work through what I felt to help better my relationship.

But, I didn’t take that path and I know there is a good reason for that. One day I will work out what that is. And I hope that if or when another tragic event like this happens to me, whoever I may be with, I hope I take the path I should have 3 years ago. We aren’t that close of friends anymore, in fact we barely talk so I have never gotten the chance to thank him and tell him that he quite literally ‘saved me’. I know I said I chose the wrong path, but the persistence of him caring for me, his love and guidance and simple words helped me in ways some people will never quite understand. And for that, I’ll be forever grateful. Hopefully one day I’ll get the chance to tell him that.

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